Dear Banakulu Nsama,
I hope this letter finds you well back home in Zambia. Every time we speak, you ask the same question: “My son, when are you coming back home for good?” And every time, I laugh it off or tell you, “Soon.” But the truth is, I honestly do not know anymore.
Living abroad especially here in Canada has been both a blessing and a burden. On one hand, life here is organised. The roads are smooth, electricity is reliable, salaries come on time, and hard work is usually rewarded.
I have managed to build a stable life, pay my bills, and support the family back home in ways I never imagined when I first left Zambia with just one suitcase and a dream. Sometimes I look at what I have achieved here and feel proud that the sacrifices were worth it.
But there is also a loneliness that money cannot cure.
No matter how many years pass, I still feel like a visitor here. I miss hearing people speak Bemba and Nyanja freely in the streets.
I miss the smell of roasted maize by the roadside, the laughter at family gatherings, and the simple joy of watching football with friends while arguing about politics over a bottle of Mosi. Here, everyone is busy. People greet you politely, but few truly know you.
Back home, even neighbours become family.
Yet every time I seriously think about returning to Zambia, fear enters my mind. I worry about opportunities. I worry about whether I will adjust after becoming used to life abroad.
Sometimes when I read the news about unemployment, corruption, political tension, and the rising cost of living, I ask myself whether I would be making an emotional decision instead of a wise one.
Some of my friends who returned home are struggling. They tell me Zambia is not the same country we left years ago. Others say they have never been happier because they are finally close to family and living among their own people again.
So I find myself trapped between two worlds — one that gives me financial security and another that gives me emotional peace.
The hardest part is watching life move on without me. Children I left behind are now grown. Funerals happen, weddings happen, and new babies are born while I watch through WhatsApp videos.
Sometimes I feel guilty for missing so much. Other times I remind myself that I left to create a better future for all of us.
Maybe the real question is not whether to stay abroad or go back home. Maybe the real question is where a person truly belongs after spending years divided between two places.
I dream of returning home one day to invest, to contribute, and to help build Zambia. But I also fear giving up the stability I fought so hard to achieve. It is a difficult choice, and one I carry in my heart every single day.
For now, all I can do is continue praying for wisdom.
Give my love to everyone at home.
Your loving son,
Daniel